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The PM's bonzer trade deal and the Coronavirus birthday surprise

FROM Boris Johnson's bonza trade deal - just don't expect to grill him, to a wife's birthday surprise whilst quarantined for Coronovirus in the Wirral, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Tuesday 4th February 2020.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has boasted of his big hopes for securing a bonanza of a trade deal for the UK post-Brexit, whilst adamant he was unprepared to accept any sort of alignment with Brussels to get there.
Speaking in Greenwich, he pledged to use the UK's "newly recaptured powers" after Brexit to head "out into the world", with his sights set on a Canada-style trade deal with no tariffs, or even an "Australian-style" relationship with the EU, which - perplexedly - does involve tariffs, rather than accept any alignment with Brussels' regulations or oversight by European courts.
One word which was poignantly absent from Mr Johnson's diatribe was "Brexit", which he claimed was "now in the past, the country must move on", much like Voldemort in the Harry Potter novels, "he who must not be named", or the mystery of the Gavin and Stacey fishing trip. "We promised we would never speak of it again".
Meanwhile, a number of political journalists from newspapers including the Mirror and the Independent found themselves refused entry to a press briefing following the PM's trade speech because they had not made it onto a "special list" held by one of his aides. This led to all the journalists gathered there walking out in mass solidarity and rather poses the question whether Mr Johnson's trade plans are up for nothing but the friendliest of grillings?
Sleep pods to help overworked doctors and nurses grab power naps between shifts are being slowly introduced to NHS hospitals.
The futuristic looking pods are currently on trial at a dozen hospitals in England, with the Royal Wolverhampton NHS Trust the first to try them. The pods, coming in at £17,000 each, have proved popular with staff who, according to statistics, used them most between midnight and 4am and also between noon and 4pm. The average stay is 17 to 24 minutes, enough for someone to recharge their batteries, but one "lazy bones" used one for as long as 79 minutes. This Reporter is of course kidding. If only these heroes could take 79 hours.
TV presenter Michael Barrymore is being called on to "come clean" by the father of the man found dead in his swimming pool nearly 19 years ago.
Terry Lubbock is convinced Barrymore knows more than he has ever revealed about the circumstances around the death of his son, Stuart Lubbock, who was found dead, floating in the pool in March 2001 during a house party at Barrymore's then home in Essex.
His demand comes ahead of a new programme charting the police's investigation into the death called "Barrymore: The Body in the Pool" on Channel 4 on Thursday.
Mr Lubbock said: "It's time now Michael. I think you know more about this than you have said. It's time now for you to either clear your name or put your hands up to what happened".
And finally, as Coronavirus continues to spread rampantly across the globe with more than 20,000  cases of infection and at least 426 deaths, deep in the heart of the UK's Coronavirus quarantine centre in the Wirral, a man still managed to pull out a surprise for his wife's birthday thanks to a helpful council boss.
Matt Raw had ordered a ring for his wife Ying for her birthday from a jewellers in Cheshire and Wirral council's David Armstrong than picked it up and brought it to the hospital where 94 evacuated patients from Wuhan are currently being monitored.
Deliveries are being allowed from friends and family and Mr Raw was full of praise for Mr Armstrong making the 39 mile trip to collect his gift, throwing in a cake and a bottle of Cava for good measure.
Mr Raw, with a hint of a wink, said: "I must confess it went down very pleasantly".


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