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Showing posts from March, 2020

Meghan and Harry "grin in the rain" and the Kimono-wearing fox killer

FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020.

Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain.
The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards.
With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when the…

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020.

The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up.
Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people.
A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions.
In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives This R…

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020.

A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it.
But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people'…

Coronavirus: Supermarkets to "feed the nation" and Laughing at nudists

FROM supermarkets drawing up "feed the nation" contingency plans amid Coronavirus, to pleas to make laughing at nudists a hate crime, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Tuesday 3rd March 2020.

As the World Health Organisation declares the world is "in uncharted territory" with this Coronavirus, UK supermarkets have drawn up "feed the nation" contingency plans to cope with any panic buying. Including scaling back the variety of foods and groceries available and instead focusing on maintaining supplies of staple products.
The government has been accused, meanwhile, of failing to grasp the threat of gig economy workers spreading Coronavirus, by continuing to work because they don't get sick pay and can't afford time off. Unions warned there are more than a million such workers, many of whom visit hundreds of addresses every week delivering parcels and takeaways and carrying passengers in minicabs.
As part of the Government'…

Boris Johnson's baby joy and "Just call me Hugo"

FROM the "joyous" news the Prime Minister and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds are expecting a baby this summer, to the comedian-turned-consumer-watchdog who changed his name to Hugo Boss by deed poll, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Monday 2nd March 2020.

Boris Johnson and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds have announced they are expecting a baby and that they have got engaged.
In a blow to singleton's everywhere, this will be the PM's third marriage and - excuse This Reporter one moment while she fetches her calculator - fifth confirmed child. Due in the summer, the new baby will join the likes of Lara Lettuce and Theodore Apollo as part of the Johnson lineage, as well as a few others as yet unknown or unclaimed (allegedly).
It will be the first child of 31-year-old Miss Symonds, an environmental campaigner and former Conservative party official, who made history by becoming the first unmarried prime ministerial partner to live in 10 Downing Str…