Skip to main content

Boris Johnson's baby joy and "Just call me Hugo"

FROM the "joyous" news the Prime Minister and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds are expecting a baby this summer, to the comedian-turned-consumer-watchdog who changed his name to Hugo Boss by deed poll, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Monday 2nd March 2020.

Boris Johnson and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds have announced they are expecting a baby and that they have got engaged.
In a blow to singleton's everywhere, this will be the PM's third marriage and - excuse This Reporter one moment while she fetches her calculator - fifth confirmed child. Due in the summer, the new baby will join the likes of Lara Lettuce and Theodore Apollo as part of the Johnson lineage, as well as a few others as yet unknown or unclaimed (allegedly).
It will be the first child of 31-year-old Miss Symonds, an environmental campaigner and former Conservative party official, who made history by becoming the first unmarried prime ministerial partner to live in 10 Downing Street. Congratulations to them.
In further Mr Johnson news, he is expected to chair a meeting of the government's emergency Cobra committee later today (Monday) as the number of people catching the Coronavirus in the UK has "surged" - to quote the newspapers - to 36 over the weekend.
Mr Johnson is expected to say the government will "stop at nothing" to fight the virus, which if taken at its literal meaning could prove interesting, whilst it is also expected the government's "battle plan" for tackling COVID-19 will be finalised and signed off.
This could include dragging newly retired doctors and nurses out of retirement, urging people to work from home - not so easy in the service-style industries - to closing schools and cancelling major public events.
The government has also set up a, in no way hyperbolic, "war room" in the Cabinet Office, out of which will roll a public health campaign encouraging people to wash their hands for 20 seconds or longer.
Meanwhile, a 13-year-old boy who was taunted for his online book reviews has received messages of support from bestselling authors.
Callum Manning, from South Shields, Tyne and Wear, created an Instagram account last week to write posts about some of the books he had read. But he was left "devastated" after other pupils at his new school, so affronted it appears, by his use of downtime, began to mock the reviews in a group chat he had joined, with their literary gems including "you sad weirdo".
Callum said it was the first time in a long while that he actually cried.
His older sister Ellis Landreth came to the rescue and tweeted about the incident, and as a result Callum was inundated by positive messages including from authors Malorie Blackman, Matt Haig and Caroline Kepnes. Callum's Instragram account has also skyrocketed from 39 to 147,000.
And finally, comedian and 'consumer crusader' Joe Lycett has changed his name to Hugo Boss in support of small businesses who have been targeted by the fashion designer.
Mr Lycett, or This Reporter supposes we must now call him Hugo, changed his name, legally, in defiance of the German fashion designer sending cease and desist letters to small businesses and charities who use the name "boss". To illustrate as an example, Boss Brewing, a small brewery in Swansea, had to spend thousands of pounds on legal fees and rebranding.
The 31-year-old posted the official deedpoll letter on his Instragram with the missive "I absolutely and entirely renounce, relinquish and abandon the use of my former said name."
He added he would soon be launching a brand new product as Hugo Boss with all the details to be revealed on a new series of his consumer show Got Your Back on Channel 4.
This Reporter must press home she admires "Hugo's" commitment, but does query whether he would have been so swift to change his name had his gripe been with a brand of slightly less glamorous leaning, for example, "Toilet Duck".

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Government accused of Coronavirus cover-up and Veggie Corbyn booed at kebab awards

FROM the UK Government announcing it will only release Coronavirus data weekly, to vegetarian Jeremy Corbyn presenting an award for the best kebab, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Thursday 5th March 2020.

The Government has been accused of withholding information about the spread of Coronavirus after a 70 per cent increase in confirmed cases prompted health chiefs to stop providing daily updates on the location of new infections. Instead they will be provided on a Friday in a weekly round-up.
Thirty six new UK cases were announced yesterday (Wednesday) bringing the grand total to 87 people.
A former director at Public Health England said the move to weekly updates should be reconsidered to allow the public to make informed decisions.
In related news, the Government is putting in place contingency plans, should the virus outbreak become widespread, to close Parliament for up to three months to stop 650 potential "super spreaders". Which gives This R…

Pig stalkers, BoJo's Jet and the Zara contrast print dress

Socks off.

Do you remember the childhood rhyme which runs: "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home..."? You do. Well this story is the remixed version.

A man in America called the police when a 'persistent pig' followed him home from a train station, it is reported.

He called the North Ridgeville Police Station in Ohio at 5.26am on Saturday claiming the pig was following him and, understandably, the officers thought he must be inebriated (the man that is, not the pig).

However, on arriving at the 'scene' they found a completely sober man who was indeed being followed by a piggy stalker. One of the officers managed to 'coerce' the pig into his police car (no jokes please) and brought the pig back to the station where he was locked in one of the dog kennels. The pig has since been reunited with his owner.

Time for some news headlines and today it has been announced Sweden has distributed a 'be prepared for war' leafle…

Pizza Express and Boris Johnson's 99 problems, but the ditch ain't one

THE MAJOR talking point of the week has been whether Pizza Express is set to go down the swanny. The pizza restaurant chain known, according to This Reporter's private lexicon, as "posh Pizza Hut" revealed it is currently battling £1.1billion worth of debt, which equates to a mammoth £1.6million per restaurant, and in turn, a heck of a lot of dough balls.
The plight of Pizza Express follows on from the news of Thomas Cook going under in the last few weeks and historically matches the tales of woe experienced by high street stalwarts BHS and Woolworths, which are alas no more but, especially in the case of Woolworths, still much bereaved.
Where else, This Reporter ponders could you buy a pick 'n' mix, a cassette tape of Ant and Dec's "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" and a toilet brush in one fell swoop?
Which leads to a serious piece of social commentary, which This Reporter has been keeping under her hat to be revealed at an appropriate time - deemed…

TV Presenter Phillip Schofield announces he is gay and a fox runs amok in Parliament

FROM TV presenter Phillip Schofield announcing he is gay, to the fox who ran amok through the Houses of Parliament, This Reporter brings you the news headlines on Friday 7th February 2020.
Phillip Schofield, the co-presenter of ITV's This Morning programme but who leapt to fame in the broom cupboard, has come out as gay. In a statement released on This Morning's Twitter account, the presenter, who has been married to his wife for almost 27 years, paid tribute to his family. He said: "With the strength and support of my wife and my daughters, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am gay". He wrote about his "inner conflict" but at the same time talked of  "a world that has changed so much for the better." He added: “Every day on This Morning, I sit in awe of those who have been brave and open in confronting their truth - so now it's my turn to share mine". Schofield married Stephanie Lowe in 1993 and they have two adult daughters, Mo…

Children lose sleep over climate anxiety and Boris Johnson's paternity leave

FROM young people surveyed by Newsround revealing their climate anxiety, to Boris Johnson announcing he will "almost certainly" take paternity leave, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Wednesday 4th March 2020.

A survey for BBC Newsround has found that children are losing sleep over climate change and the environment. Two thousand children aged between eight and 16-years-old were given the opportunity to answer questions on climate anxiety. And the results overwhelmingly showed that most children  - four out of five - considered the problem of climate change important to them, while three out of five were worried about the impact climate change would have on them when they're older. One in five have even had a bad dream about it.
But when asked about the action being taken by grown-ups to tackle the problem, two in five don't trust adults to tackle the challenges and nearly two-thirds say leaders aren't listening enough to young people'…