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Boris Johnson's baby joy and "Just call me Hugo"

FROM the "joyous" news the Prime Minister and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds are expecting a baby this summer, to the comedian-turned-consumer-watchdog who changed his name to Hugo Boss by deed poll, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Monday 2nd March 2020.

Boris Johnson and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds have announced they are expecting a baby and that they have got engaged.
In a blow to singleton's everywhere, this will be the PM's third marriage and - excuse This Reporter one moment while she fetches her calculator - fifth confirmed child. Due in the summer, the new baby will join the likes of Lara Lettuce and Theodore Apollo as part of the Johnson lineage, as well as a few others as yet unknown or unclaimed (allegedly).
It will be the first child of 31-year-old Miss Symonds, an environmental campaigner and former Conservative party official, who made history by becoming the first unmarried prime ministerial partner to live in 10 Downing Street. Congratulations to them.
In further Mr Johnson news, he is expected to chair a meeting of the government's emergency Cobra committee later today (Monday) as the number of people catching the Coronavirus in the UK has "surged" - to quote the newspapers - to 36 over the weekend.
Mr Johnson is expected to say the government will "stop at nothing" to fight the virus, which if taken at its literal meaning could prove interesting, whilst it is also expected the government's "battle plan" for tackling COVID-19 will be finalised and signed off.
This could include dragging newly retired doctors and nurses out of retirement, urging people to work from home - not so easy in the service-style industries - to closing schools and cancelling major public events.
The government has also set up a, in no way hyperbolic, "war room" in the Cabinet Office, out of which will roll a public health campaign encouraging people to wash their hands for 20 seconds or longer.
Meanwhile, a 13-year-old boy who was taunted for his online book reviews has received messages of support from bestselling authors.
Callum Manning, from South Shields, Tyne and Wear, created an Instagram account last week to write posts about some of the books he had read. But he was left "devastated" after other pupils at his new school, so affronted it appears, by his use of downtime, began to mock the reviews in a group chat he had joined, with their literary gems including "you sad weirdo".
Callum said it was the first time in a long while that he actually cried.
His older sister Ellis Landreth came to the rescue and tweeted about the incident, and as a result Callum was inundated by positive messages including from authors Malorie Blackman, Matt Haig and Caroline Kepnes. Callum's Instragram account has also skyrocketed from 39 to 147,000.
And finally, comedian and 'consumer crusader' Joe Lycett has changed his name to Hugo Boss in support of small businesses who have been targeted by the fashion designer.
Mr Lycett, or This Reporter supposes we must now call him Hugo, changed his name, legally, in defiance of the German fashion designer sending cease and desist letters to small businesses and charities who use the name "boss". To illustrate as an example, Boss Brewing, a small brewery in Swansea, had to spend thousands of pounds on legal fees and rebranding.
The 31-year-old posted the official deedpoll letter on his Instragram with the missive "I absolutely and entirely renounce, relinquish and abandon the use of my former said name."
He added he would soon be launching a brand new product as Hugo Boss with all the details to be revealed on a new series of his consumer show Got Your Back on Channel 4.
This Reporter must press home she admires "Hugo's" commitment, but does query whether he would have been so swift to change his name had his gripe been with a brand of slightly less glamorous leaning, for example, "Toilet Duck".

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