FROM Meghan and Harry making their first appearance in the UK together since Megxit, to the kimono-wearing fox killer who appears to have been cleared of all crimes, these are the news headlines according to This Reporter on Friday 6th March 2020.
Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain.
The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards.
With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when they decided they wanted out of public life, their final royal duties will culminate on Monday when they join the Queen at Westminster Abbey for the traditional Commonwealth Day service.
They say nutters with hair brained schemes come along like buses - and if not that will soon be amended - as swift off the back of Prime Minister Boris Johnson raking up his old vanity project for a bridge connecting Scotland and Ireland, Scottish Secretary Alister Jack has said, you know what, we could build a tunnel instead.
Mr Jack told MSP's yesterday (Thursday) that he had raised the tunnel proposal with Mr Johnson as a cheaper and more weatherproof option than a bridge over the sea. He insisted there were longer tunnels than this in the world and envisioned it beginning as a bridge, then going under the sea for a 22-mile tunnel, before rising up to be carried on as a bridge again.
Mr Johnson is said to be in favour of the tunnel project but just has to get round the fact "tunnel" begins with "t". Reports he may be changing his name to Trevor to circumnavigate the problem, have as yet proved unfounded.
Pop star Lizzo has accused the social media app TikTok of body shaming after it deleted multiple videos of her in a bathing suit.
Lizzo, an active promoter of the body positivity movement, wrote: "TikTok keeps taking down my videos with me in my bathing suits. But allows other videos with girls in bathing suits. I wonder why? TikTok...we need to talk".
However, after TikTok and Lizzo's teams convened for a natter, it transpired the real issue had been one particular video which they feared violated TikTok rules on "sexual gratification" because it showed Lizzo lifting up her dress and showing off her undergarments.
There was however some confusion over what these undergarments actually were and when Lizzo's team confirmed they were Spanx - the infamous hold-in underwear - the video was immediately reinstated, amidst much embarrassment on TikTok's part.
And finally, lawyer Jolyon Maughan QC, who made quite a stir on Boxing Day last year for tweeting that he had just killed a fox with a baseball bat while wearing his wife's satin kimono, will not be prosecuted, it has been revealed.
Mr Maughan clubbed the fox to death whilst it was trying to get into the hen house at the bottom of his garden in central London and the incident was brought to the attention of the RSPCA.
After some consideration, the RSPCA concluded that Mr Maughan had not crossed their particular threshold for animal cruelty as he had killed the fox so swiftly - or to be graphic - he had given it a good, thorough bludgeon.
Mr Maughan said he welcomed the decision saying that whilst he knew some people had been upset by his tweet, it had simply been his intention to "convey in a gently deprecating manner the incongruity of my Boxing Day morning. I got that wrong".
This Reporter would additionally like to note that it appears Mr Maughan has also got away with his crime against fashion.
Yes that's right, This Reporter is declaring this particular news gathering outlet a Coronavirus free zone as we kick off today's headlines with the news Meghan and Harry, otherwise known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have returned to the UK and had their photograph taken together, under an umbrella, in the rain.
The couple were in town - London specifically - as they wind up their official duties before bowing out of royal life forever, with last night's paparazzi extravaganza related to their attendance at the Endeavour Film awards.
With what we can only assume were fixed grins on their faces as they braved the weather, and the fact these moments under the media spotlight, were exactly what they were talking about when they decided they wanted out of public life, their final royal duties will culminate on Monday when they join the Queen at Westminster Abbey for the traditional Commonwealth Day service.
They say nutters with hair brained schemes come along like buses - and if not that will soon be amended - as swift off the back of Prime Minister Boris Johnson raking up his old vanity project for a bridge connecting Scotland and Ireland, Scottish Secretary Alister Jack has said, you know what, we could build a tunnel instead.
Mr Jack told MSP's yesterday (Thursday) that he had raised the tunnel proposal with Mr Johnson as a cheaper and more weatherproof option than a bridge over the sea. He insisted there were longer tunnels than this in the world and envisioned it beginning as a bridge, then going under the sea for a 22-mile tunnel, before rising up to be carried on as a bridge again.
Mr Johnson is said to be in favour of the tunnel project but just has to get round the fact "tunnel" begins with "t". Reports he may be changing his name to Trevor to circumnavigate the problem, have as yet proved unfounded.
Pop star Lizzo has accused the social media app TikTok of body shaming after it deleted multiple videos of her in a bathing suit.
Lizzo, an active promoter of the body positivity movement, wrote: "TikTok keeps taking down my videos with me in my bathing suits. But allows other videos with girls in bathing suits. I wonder why? TikTok...we need to talk".
However, after TikTok and Lizzo's teams convened for a natter, it transpired the real issue had been one particular video which they feared violated TikTok rules on "sexual gratification" because it showed Lizzo lifting up her dress and showing off her undergarments.
There was however some confusion over what these undergarments actually were and when Lizzo's team confirmed they were Spanx - the infamous hold-in underwear - the video was immediately reinstated, amidst much embarrassment on TikTok's part.
And finally, lawyer Jolyon Maughan QC, who made quite a stir on Boxing Day last year for tweeting that he had just killed a fox with a baseball bat while wearing his wife's satin kimono, will not be prosecuted, it has been revealed.
Mr Maughan clubbed the fox to death whilst it was trying to get into the hen house at the bottom of his garden in central London and the incident was brought to the attention of the RSPCA.
After some consideration, the RSPCA concluded that Mr Maughan had not crossed their particular threshold for animal cruelty as he had killed the fox so swiftly - or to be graphic - he had given it a good, thorough bludgeon.
Mr Maughan said he welcomed the decision saying that whilst he knew some people had been upset by his tweet, it had simply been his intention to "convey in a gently deprecating manner the incongruity of my Boxing Day morning. I got that wrong".
This Reporter would additionally like to note that it appears Mr Maughan has also got away with his crime against fashion.
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